Happy birthday. Another year has gone by, and as I look back at the year that has just passed, I see that I have become more. Done more, and am doing more.
I work, I have an apartment. I pay the bills, I would have never thought of living on my own, and paying my own bills, But this is responsibility. It needed to be done.

"swine flu (which is actually a flu containing a mixture of human, avian and swine genes)."

This is all we need, First SARS.... Then the Recession... and last but no least H1N1.... PIG FLU!
Now then, I find it quite convenient that the world economy is at the brink of a Depression, and out of know where. BAMN! H1N1....
Now then... How did a flu come about? That would just happen to contain. BIRD. HUMAN. and PIG genes?
It was not something that nature made. It is to clear to everyone, that this new threat to humanity was of course in itself made by the hands of Man.

I really don't see how fucking up our economy and then bringing about a flu that most are resistant to.. How does one think that this all happened by accident? Come off it... Bush was the first step...
Bush became president (Only after SUPREME COURT ruling)
Bush knocks down the Twin Towers, blames Muslims....
Then the capture of Saddam Husein .
Bush getting hit with a shoe on visit to Iraq.
Economy Falls.....
Obama President...
Then.... Chrysler goes tits up.
And now... Wait for it... Like life couldn't get any shittier....
H1N1..... WTF....
There is no need to keep meddling in germ warfare... This is not funny!

I'm already sick and my days are numbered.
Let's just make it worse with a giant heaping plate of fucking PIG FLU!


Why can't people just get the fuck along! GOD DAMN IT!
People are dieing for no god damned reason!

SOLVE WORLD POVERTY! OPEN UR FUCKING POCKETS!
We have the technology to solve all problems.... Only one thing gets in the way.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
It's all about that symbol... And the value we put on it.

GO WORLD GOVERNMENTS EVERYWHERE!!


You fucked us all....

What can I say? It has been one hell of a year, hasn't it?
I remember the first day... I remember meeting you.. When I think of that day, it makes me smile.
I remember what I thought when I seen you waiting for me at the baggage claim. You were waiting for some time. I was waiting also.
I remember thinking that I was not going to get my bags, and was on the verge of freaking the fuck out. But the bags came, and all I could think was... I need a fucking smoke.
5 hours sitting beside a fat person, who wouldn't know how to sit still if you gave him a fucking diagram.
I then, walked out and was shocked. I really didn't think you were going to be there. I also recall being so nervous.
I looked at you... and you had your big goofy grin, and I knew.
I was thinking, this is going to work. I know that he is the one,
who else would want to look after, or keep someone who led such a bad life.
Who ended up getting sick, and knowing full well that my time is numbered.
What I never understood. Is that you know all about it.. And you are still here.
You make me feel. You make me feel normal again. Like there is nothing wrong with me.
And now as the tears start to swell in my eyes, I smile. Because I know full out that you love me with every fiber of your being.
I know your always going to be there. No matter what happens.
I know that I am going to grow old with you. and I look forward to when this life of ours unfolds in front of us, with new beginnings and experiences.
I love you Abdullah, I know I give you so much grief, and heartache. Now that I think about it.
That's not the way to treat the man.. Who is giving his life.. for me.
To risk himself of also becoming sick. Who would take every last dime he had, to try and give me everything I have ever wanted. Just to see me smile.
I have a great man. A good man.

Abdullah. I love you so much..


Happy 1st anniversary my sweet prince. I could not imagine my life, without you in it.

A short true story about my life.


A look at the past

I was 19 Years old. Living a new life in Toronto, an eager beaver straight from the country life, Ready to start my new life in the city, ready to make it where everyone said that I wouldn’t.

I moved into my very own Bachelor apartment along Eglinton Avenue West. I was not working, and living off assistance. I searched for meaning to my new life in the city. I was in deep, with my head in the clouds thinking everything would work out.
When I was forced to leave my little apartment not even a month later, I found residence with my friend Roger. He took me in, and gave me a place to live… for the next two years. He found me work too. He owned a pizza stand at the local flea market. Where I worked on the weekends, to pay my rent, I was there a little while. Summer turned into fall and then into winter. And that is when I found him. He walked into the Flea Market with a look of disgust on his face, the look of a man who would never set foot there voluntarily. I watched as he walked away from my booth and onwards into the chaos that was the flea market. I watched him go… Until I was unable to see him any longer, I then went back to making pizza and serving the hungry customers. About an hour or so before it was time to count the till and close up shop. He appeared at my booth with a look of hunger in his eyes. He asked me if I had any pineapple pizza. And since I thought at the time that he was a snug arrogant cunt, I said to him sarcastically. “Do you see the sign there Pepperoni and Cheese or Just Cheese. Where do you see anything that would indicate that I have pineapple pizza? He looked at me with contempt. I then beat him to the punch by saying. If you want Pineapple on your pizza get down to the farmers market and buy one, and I will be happy to make you a Pineapple pizza. I smirked at my own ability to be just as arrogant as he was. He then said, well then… Just give me a slice of pepperoni. I told him the price and he paid it. $2.50. I put the pizza into the oven, and waited. Normally I would have waited just thirty seconds. But like I said before, I thought he was an arrogant cunt. So I burnt his pizza and gave it to him. He looked at his pizza slice and then at me… I stared deep into his dark brown eyes, and I noticed. I noticed that I had to see him again. He walked off, thanking me for the pizza, and continued his journey with his family exiting the flea market.

I closed up shop at 6:00PM as that is when the flea market was closed, I remember saying to myself that I should have asked him his name. That I should have done something more then act like a fucking asshole to him. I was high on life; I was on top of the world yet again, a feeling of elation that had come over me.

I packed up shop for the week, and headed to Roger’s office, to deliver his till and to collect the $140.00 that I had earned for the weekend. I went back downstairs back to the main sprawl of market place, to journey my way to the front doors where I was able to have my after work cigarette. With the happy feeling in my head, I went for the front door to smoke my cigarette and wait for Roger to come down to drive us back to the apartment.

I filled Roger in on the details of the day, recapping my day. I told him about the really arrogant cunt I met that day, and how I needed to find him again. When I got back into the apartment I went straight for my computer, thinking that he could be on one of the webs many dating sites. As winter went on my search for him continued. Christmas came and I went home for the holidays. When I came back it was January of 2007. I went on the computer one day after work (I started a new job working for Tim Horton’s) I went on a site… And then… there he was, staring right at me from the computer screen. He was there, and I had been searching for months, I then felt that same feeling of elation that I felt on that day back in the beginning of the winter. I quickly wrote a letter to him. To let him know that I was interested in him, we spoke back and forth for a little while, and then I got the courage to ask him out on a date. It was an amazing thing. We met up at Toronto’s Yonge and Eglinton Ave. E. We went and had dinner at a place called the Pickle Barrel. We talked a lot, and I told him that I was the guy who worked at the pizza place. It was a great conversation over dinner. When dinner was over we went to Silver City, to watch Norbit. We sat there… hand in hand watching the film, and then when the movie was over, he took me home. I stopped at the door not knowing what to do next. Then he said goodnight to me and left… I grabbed him and said, “You’re not getting away that easy” and I kissed him. He blushed, for a black man, you could tell he was blushing, I was too. We dated for almost a year. There were happy times, and there were hard times, there were times that we didn’t even know why we were together. Then when it ended, I was crushed, hurt beyond repair. I will not go into detail as to what happened per say. But I will say, that I do not regret the time we had together. I would like to know this feeling again, if I had been given another chance. I would have been a better man for him, I would have given my all for him. But like the title of this short story says… This is just “A look at the past”

Chad Seguin.

Happy New Years. Find your love, and don’t let it go. For you don’t want to wait for a year to go buy before you realize you could have had something great.

Closure that is what I was given tonight..
As I sit here on this EARLY New Years eve day. I wanted to get in touch with an ex... An ex I spent most of 8 Months with. The first one I ever fell in love with. The one.... I wronged.... We wronged each other.
The one I spent months trying to get over him. And just when I go and say a kind word, through e-mail.
To wish a happy new year, and a late Merry Christmas, though like all the letters we have sent back and forth. Mine were of true intent, and all I get back is sarcasm. But, he was right. I need to stop acting like he exists. His words were "Pretend that I don't exist. Pretend that our first meeting at your Pizza Shop never happened, and your sudden death sentence. Have a happy new year"

I will try and look forward. And leave a laying dog lie. What I have is a pretty good deal.
I have a place to sleep, and a job to pay the bills, and a husband.

Then why don't I feel happy? Why do I feel like life screwed me?

This has been one hell of a year, that's for sure.